Post by Josh Zinn.
Hello, dear readers!! Though normally I find the idea of exposing the private thoughts of youngsters as a grievous act, I can’t help but share this wonderful window into the mind of my oldest niece (and future Julia Child), Shelly Swallowsbeigh. Here Shelly tells you all (and her Diary!) about the amazing culinary journey she is embarking on—all thanks to the Food Network’s show “The Pioneer Woman.” Enjoy!
Today I just made the most A-M-A-Z-I-N-G decision of my life. Seriously, this is even better than when I mailed in that certificate for a free Magic Bullet cause I won the cake-walk at my school’s carnival back in November. Sure, I know I’ll basically be able to say on talk shows or Top Chef or whatever other cooking show I get on (when I become a big food star! It’s gonna happen!) that winning that was the start of my culinary career, but, seriously, not even the Magic Bullet is as cool as this!
I’m going to be on “The Pioneer Woman!!” Eeeeeeeeeep!
Now, I know what you’re saying, diary. The Pioneer who? But what you don’t know is that “The Pioneer Woman” is this really cool lady named Ree Drummond and she’s a cook—just like me!! Not only that, but she lives on a horse ranch in Oklahoma and is married to this really cute cowboy and has these super-adorable kids and gets to cook for them all day and she has a blog and a show on the Food Network and all of what I just wrote is only, like, THE DREAM I’VE HAD ALL MY LIFE! And now I, Shelly Swallowsbeigh, am going to be on her show, so my dream is coming true! Yay for me!
BTW – Here’s a link to a really good example of what Ree does best: down-home cooking. I have used this recipe called “The Bread,” like, so many times and it always is soooooo good. She’s totally an Einstein!
So, you might be wondering how I am getting to go on her show, huh? Well, I was down at Williams Sonoma perusing (I just learned that word, btw, and I LOVE it! Cool, huh?) the blenders cause you know I love a good smoothie when all of a sudden I saw this big line that was forming in the back of the store. All these people were standing there and they were all holding books, but I couldn’t tell what they were reading. Then, I saw her! Oh my gosh, she is so pretty. She was smiling at people and talking to them and signing their books (they were her new cookbook! Um, please, Santa?) and I could tell that she is, y’know, really down to earth and loves doing what she does. Shows ya there really are angels here on earth, right Diary?
Anyway, of course I waited in line too even though I didn’t have a book. I mean, duh!
When I got up to her she smiled that beautiful smile of hers and said, “Where’s you book, darlin’?”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? AWESOME!!
I told her I didn’t have a book, but that I was, seriously, her biggest fan and actually kept a scrapbook of her recipes at home (which is true, even though I didn’t tell her I also have a bunch of Sandra Lee recipes in there as well). I don’t know if this means she’s never met a true fan before, but seriously, diary, she just about jumped out of her chair to give me a hug Her hair smells like cornbread Anyway, not to milk it even more (well, just a little) I then told her about how much I love her “The Bread” recipe and how I was even experimenting with it by sometimes doing something kinda crazy like putting garlic salt or pepper on it. She was really impressed and told me she hadn’t thought of that before! Dying
So, then one of the people she is with comes up to me and asks if I ever would have any interest in being on her show and if my Mom and Dad are with me. I tell him they aren’t, but give him my Mom’s number and the next thing you know I’m being flown out to Oklahoma next week to show Ree (and the world) how you can make “The Bread” into an international affair by adding things like parsley or oregano to it.
IS THIS MY LIFE?
Anyway, diary, I know this is all totally stream-of-consciousness but I had to tell somebody what’s happening!! I mean, I can’t believe that me thinking about how good a Jamba Juice sounded when I was at the mall (that’s what led me into Williams Sonoma) could be so life-changing. The Pioneer Woman is only, like, my favorite show on the Food Network and now I’m going to be on it!
Hold your horses for me, Ree; I’m on my way!