Post by Mark T. Locker

A quiet evening at home with friends. Nothing much to do. Full of food and looking for something—ANYthing—to watch. Oh, the anticipation as someone, in a fit of inspiration, rummages through his bag and pulls out a mystery DVD. Within moments you know exactly what kind of movie this is going to be: part Conan the Barbarian part Krull. Enter the Beastmaster, 1982. Via vague mystical means the baby Dar is taken from his mother’s womb and given birth to by a cow. Naturally, he develops a unique ability to communicate with animals. Even the—what are those?—giant bat people things have a deep respect for him. On his journey to…do whatever he is doing, he meets a lot of people with single-syllable names: Maax, Seth. Tal, Zed, and acquires a menagerie of helpful animal friends.

If you like lots of stone structures, lots of dust and fire, then this is the movie for you. If you like saying, “What the heck is going on???”, if you like movies that keep going long after you think it should have ended: Beastmaster. If you like loincloths, fighting with big sticks and sad tigers dyed black, I have your Friday night entertainment right here.