Tag Archives: Movie Reviews
Movies in Bed: Secrets: Richard III Revealed
Post by Mark T. Locker.
I don’t know about you, but I love forensic history shows. You know the ones: scientists carefully combing over some sort of historical site or remains with a brush and a pick trying to understand the truth behind what happened and, possibly, why. This one’s pretty darned compelling. The tomb of Richard III, hunchbacked king of England made eternal by William Shakespeare, was presumed destroyed and lost forever. But a team of cunning historians suspected that this otherwise unassuming parking lot in Leicester, England might hold some secrets beneath the pavement. Curiously, there was a big red “R” painted in one of the parking spots. Why not dig there first? Who knows?
You’ll never guess what they found! They found a skeleton. AND this skeleton had a notable curvature of the spine. AND this skeleton had met a rather grisly end, most certainly on a Medieval battlefield. Take a look at a halberd and you’ll know that this is not the way anyone should expire. But guys, they found Richard III. Almost certainly. The reproduction of his facial features based off the skull are eerily similar to well-known portraits of the king. It’s a slightly melodramatized show, but it’s laden with real science and facts so you can enjoy it without feeling too guilty.
Movies in Bed: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Post by Mark T. Locker.
My kid has gone completely Star Wars crazy. It’s mostly my fault, though I didn’t realize just how absolutely bonkers he would go. It’s my fault because although he was aware of Star Wars and kind of liked some of it, I made the mistake of getting the LEGO Star Wars game for the Wii. Take two things lots of kids love and put them together in a video game?! Marketing genius and a surefire way to spend 5 days a week explaining that we only play it on the weekends (and then most hours of the weekend saying: not yet).
Scrolling through the Netflix collection recently, it was pointed out to me that I had just passed over some animated Star Wars show. Sure enough, I had totally skipped Star Wars: the Clone Wars, a CGI animated series which is apparently in its sixth season! It’s apparently set between the stories of Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. I don’t remember the Clone movie, and never saw the third one, but this show is actually pretty enjoyable, even for an adult. Sometimes I’m shocked by this mostly not violent show because suddenly someone will get run through with a light saber or something. (In our video game, this isn’t a problem: all the people are LEGO! They just fall apart!) That aside, it’s kind of funny and well-written and aside from that horrific Jar Jar Binks, not a bad show at all. If you like Star Wars and have thirty hours to kill, I recommend you check this show out. Even if you just watch it for the droids. They are remarkably hilariously dumb.
Movies in Bed: Journey 2: Mysterious Island
Post by Mark T. Locker.
Journey 2: Mysterious Island
This is definitely a movie for the family. Featuring the impeccable acting skills of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, this was a follow-up to the Jules Vernes-inspired blockbuster Journey to the Center of the Earth. Like Journey to the Center of the Earth, the sequel is inspired by one of Jules Verne’s fantastical 19th-century adventure novels, fluffed up with a contemporary interpersonal relationship issue (this time it’s a clever teen and his step-dad) and some humor elements (brought to us courtesy of Luis Guzmán).
The premise is somewhere out in the Pacific Ocean is a perpetually hidden island. The grandfather of the teen supposedly went in search of it. When the kid picks up a signal with mysterious coordinates, he is sure it’ from Grandpa. The Rock graciously agrees to go to Palau to help him find this island. I think he’s a former Navy Seal or something. And what an island it is! Gold flowing from a volcano, gigantic bees and tiny elephants! What a trip!
This movie is less terrible than I thought it would be. Whoever wrote the script has a decent sense of humor, if a lowbrow one. I found myself chuckling a couple times, in spite of myself. So if you are looking for something silly, exciting, and not too scary, this is a perfectly passable Friday evening movie.
Movies in Bed: The Italian Job
Post by Mark T. Locker
Oh, those heist movies. I just love them. The best part about being bed-ridden with sick is the excuse to fire up a bunch of movies in the middle of a Wednesday. As a dad who hardly ever stays up past 10:30, I watch very few movies. So imagine my delight and overwhelmedness when I was well enough to know what was going on, but not enough to move.
I started with a good one. “The Italian Job” is one of those heist movies where the thieves, for some reason, are the good guys. I guess they’re stealing from mobsters or something? Well, they are of course very good at what they do and this, the Italian Job, is to be Donald Sutherland’s one last gig before retiring. Which means, of course, it’s going to go wrong. Betrayed by one of their own, Donald is killed and the others left for dead. Fast forward a few years. The others lived! And they’re quite upset and plan to recover their ill-gotten goods from the badder bad guy.
Full of all the stuff that makes these movies fun: awesome hacker guy, safe cracker, explosives expert, incredible driving skills, and lots of really careful timing and execution, this is a great movie for watching in a fevered stupor. You know what? It would be pretty fun to watch with full capacity of the senses too.
Movies in Bed: Resident Evil: Retribution
Post by Mark T. Locker.
Amazingly, this is the fifth installment in the Resident Evil movie empire, amazing in part because they are all based off of a series of video games. And a sixth one is in production! I cannot recommend this movie enough. Wait, let me rephrase that. I cannot recommend this movie. Through inexplicable circumstances, my friend and I have become bound by tradition to watching each and every one of these movies together. The first one was an enjoyable, if bloody, piece of fluff. The second was okay, if a bit weird. The third was so terrible that I forgot the entire plot immediately. Or perhaps I never quite got it to begin with. The fourth I also forgot the plot to within a couple months.
Well, I just got around to number five, “Retribution”, a couple weeks ago. Here is what these movies seem to be about: Alice (Mila Jovovich) worked for the Umbrella Corporation, which was some kind of genetic research company. When something called the T-virus is accidentally released, it turns everyone into zombie-like monsters and the animals into ravaging mutant beasts. There is your basic premise. Alice is about the only one out there to stop them. I couldn’t quite tell you what the object of the fifth movie is. I think they are trying to get out of a secret subterranean compound before getting destroyed.
Really, it’s so bad. And chaotic. And confusing. And I can never remember from one movie to the next who is who and why anything is happening. It’s pretty incredible. If you really want to watch, I recommend sticking with the first one and leaving it at that. Happy watching!
