Movies in Bed: Strangers With Candy

Post by Josh Zinn.

With the exception of famine, genocide, and people who willingly use the phrase “it’s my time to indulge!” as an excuse for treating themselves to things like sugar free vanilla lattes, Sun Chips, or a Wendy’s Frosty™ frozen dairy desserts, there are few things that I will not stand for more than the rancid sight of a struggling student crumbling under the weight of societal expectations. With so much pestilence, poverty, and permissiveness paralyzing our great land already, it is beyond heartbreaking to witness people—just like you and me!—ostracized and obliterated just because they can’t ace an algebra test, go out for the equestrian team, or sell as many school-fundraising magazine subscriptions as that weird overweight kid who breathes through his mouth and whose family owns the cutlery store in the mall (y’know, the one with the suit of armor standing in front of it) that no one you know has ever stepped foot in.

Perhaps this is why, dear readers, I have chosen to present to you today not just a review, but, rather, a public service announcement that tells the sad yet uplifting tale of just such an unfortunate soul, “Strangers With Candy’s” Jerri Blank.

Like so many unique flowers before her, Jerri has struggled all her life to understand just why it is that she doesn’t fit in. Born into a family that would sooner feed her to the wolves than feed her mind with the great works of Dostoyevsky, Dickens, and Danielle Steele, Jerri’s home life led her astray at an early age to the horrors of the street. Whilst school chums were learning to tie their shoes and tap dance, our fair lass was learning to tie one off just so she could make it through another lap dance. And for what? Another hit of smack instead of her favorite Easy Mac snack? For shame, America. For shame.

Now, in her forties and not-so-lovin’-it, Jerri has made the courageous decision to gather up the pieces of her life, go back to school, and start anew. Though other women her age may be learning to embrace the goddess The View says is within, our Jerri is learning to accept the fact that she must open a window to a new view on life—one that lets her be a heroine without heroin.
This, dear readers, is where you come in.

Though I know many of you must already be reaching for your wallets, wondering how you can help contribute to the renewal of one of our most valuable resources, I am here to tell you that you needn’t shove any more bills down Jerri’s pants to help strip her of her shame. Instead, what you can do is watch all three seasons of the riveting television documentary, “Strangers With Candy,” which details Jerri’s difficult transition back to high school as a not-so-traditional (and how!) student.

As each episode unfolds, you’ll gain a greater and deeper respect and understanding for all the dilemmas faced by women of the night whom have chosen to return to the day. Does being a drug runner make you good at track? How can I choose to walk away from an argument rather than stab a girl’s eye with my six-inch heels? If I sell my body today, does it mean I’ll get an A tomorrow? These are the questions Jerri must ponder every day and the cameras are right there with her, capturing every hesitation and quiet conversation with God.

Of course, amidst all the nervous breakdowns and drug withdrawals, fun with a capital F (Fun!) is also to be had as Jerri engages in wacky adventures with all of her new underage buddies! Watch as she tutors a blind student on human anatomy! Marvel as she challenges the inequalities wrought from our country’s race war by claiming a role in Raisin in the Sun! Cheer her on as she takes back her virginity from the hundreds of liver-spotted hands that have run their bony fingers across her! It’s time to feel good again America and Jerri’s here to massage all that mirth into you for only $75 an hour!
There are so many problems we face, both on our own and as a nation. Wouldn’t it make the world a better place then if, even for thirty minutes, we all took the time to watch a degenerate woman with clearly no hope for the future try to carve out her own little piece of heaven?
Now that’s something I can stand for. That’s the America I want to live in.

Posted in Movies in Bed | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Things We Like: CPR and The Heart Truth

Post by Kyle St. Romain.

Charles P Rogers is off to a great start in 2013. Today, I’d like to inform our readers here on the Charles P Rogers blog of our support for a foundation called: The Heart Truth.

The Heart Truth works to raise awareness about heart disease for women. In fact, heart disease is the number one killer amongst women, accounting for 54 percent of all deaths. This number is up from 37 percent since 1997, and the Heart Truth works to raise awareness and prevent heart disease from claiming so many victims. For more information about the organization and what you can do to get involved, check out the Heart Truth online (http://www.hearrtruth.gov).

To help support this important cause, Charles P Rogers has donated a King Size, limited edition, red leather bed that will be auctioned on eBay between February 1, 2013 and February 10, 2013. The winning bid will be announced on February 14, 2013 – making for a memorable Valentine’s Day. All the proceeds raised from the auction of the bed (and the other items auctioned for the Heart Truth) will be used to support the Heart Truth’s on-going efforts, directly.

While the auction is still several weeks away, a link will be posted on Heart Truth’s website in the coming days with all the information about this fundraising event. House Beautiful will also provide information about this event in its February 2013 issue. You can also learn more about the Heart Truth right here on Charles P Rogers’ domain, by clicking the preceding link.

If you know of anyone who may be interested in this event, we ask that you please share the information above. Armed with knowledge, we can fight back against heart disease.

Posted in Things We Like | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Breakfast in Bed: Jammer Biscuits

Post by Alison Hein.

Throughout the course of the year, you won’t find much jam in my pantry. Maybe a jar of strawberry in the fridge, perhaps a blueberry variety in the cabinet. But that all changes at Christmas time, when I purchase every flavor and color I can find: blackberry, raspberry, peach, orange….even lemon and lime… in order to satisfy everyone’s favorite cookie craving and my pursuit of a colorful holiday platter.

So just about now, I find myself with a refrigerator full of jam, each jar missing only a spoonful or two. What to do? Bake Jammer Biscuits – simple drop biscuits dressed up and shiny with pretty fruit filling. Lightly sweetened and quick to prepare, Jammers are tasty either hot or cold. Let your kids help you bake – they’ll love making little biscuit craters and filling them to the brim with gooey jam.

Then, in a mere 12 minutes, they’ll be feasting on the fruits (ha,ha) of their labor. Crispy outside, melt-in-your-mouth soft middle, just begging for a tall glass of ice cold milk or a mug of hot, hot coffee. Jammers are just right for a grab and go bite or a mid-morning snack; better yet for a jammy breakfast in bed.

Biscuits
2 cups unbleached white flour
2 tablespoons light brown sugar
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons cold butter
1 cup milk
1 tablespoon vinegar
¼ cup to ½ cup jam

Preparation
Preheat oven to 450°. Lightly grease baking sheet and set aside. Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt in large bowl. Cut butter into small pieces and mix with flour, using a pastry cutter if you like, until mixture resembles coarse sand. Stir vinegar into milk. (You can also use buttermilk in place of the milk and vinegar, if you like.) Pour all at once into flour mixture, and stir until just mixed.

Drop batter onto prepared baking sheet using a greased ¼-cup measure. Grease the back of a spoon, and use to make crater-like indentations in tops of biscuits. Fill each biscuit with approximately 2 teaspoons of jam. Bake until crispy and golden, 12 to 15 minutes.

Makes 8 biscuits.

Posted in Breakfast in Bed | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Bedtime Stories: This is Not My Hat

Post by Mark T. Locker.

This is Not My Hat by Jon Klassen.

If you are a connoisseur of fine children’s picture books, perhaps you have heard of I Want My Hat Back. Or, if you are regular reader of this blog, maybe you saw my review almost a year ago TO THIS VERY DAY of that lovely, subtle, hilarious book. (If not, don’t worry. I hyperlinked it for you.) Jon Klassen’s new book takes a new twist on what worked so well the first time. This is indeed another story about hat theft in the animal world, only this time we see the crime from the perpetrator’s perspective.

“This is not my hat,” the little fish begins, “I just stole it. I stole it from a big fish. He was asleep when I did it.”

So carries on the little fish while we the readers see that the big fish indeed woke up sooner than the perp anticipated, and indeed the giant victim is hot on the fins of this diminutive ne’er-do-well. And although the little fish makes a good point about the hat being far too small for the big fish, it is not for him to decide! That being said, I think the little bowler looks quite dashing on the little guy, but I cannot approve of his methods of acquisition.

I can, however, approve of this book. Few can take a successful theme and make a second book out of it without it coming off as horribly derivative but Jon Klassen pulls it off brilliantly. Just go read it.

Posted in Bedtime Stories | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Bedroom Design: A Belated Christmas

Post by Laura Cheng.

Is there anyone that is actually glad Christmas is over? Not me. I am still in Christmas mode. It may have something to do with the fact that this year, Christmas was nice and low on the stress-o-meter. I actually had the chance to treasure the time I spent with family instead of stressing about how their time was spent with me. So, in a last ditch effort to keep Christmas alive because I had such a wonderful one, and to wish all my readers a belated Merry Christmas, here’s to maintaining the holiday spirit in your bedroom with Christmas wreaths.

The epitome of Christmas decor, I could celebrate Christmas all year in the bedroom. A holiday message is proclaimed as it rests on a strand of green garland. Flowers in rustic pots provide a warm welcome. Snowflake needle point pillows remind you how cozy the bed really is. If there was a season for wrought iron beds, this is it. With Charles P. exclusive iron & brass sleigh bed, the same look can be achieved by tying a simple velvet bowed Christmas wreath to the foot of their classic detailed iron bed. Hot on every good little boy and girl’s wish list, a pair of sweet puppies cuddle closely. My next blog will be about how to decorate your bedroom with adorable puppies because well, puppies just go with everything.

Source: http://www.homegoods.com/blog/2011/11/30/christmas-in-every-room-plus-a-great-garland-secret/

There’s something that is just so modern, unexpected, and fresh about a square wreath. The square wreath in the bedroom below highlight out the architectural lines in the poster bed. Wreaths are even more appealing when they are zero maintenance. West Elm has just the right faux boxwood square wreath currently for $59. However, with the holidays coming to a close, my financial advisor recommends waiting to score the best deal.

Source: http://pinterest.com/pin/168251736049629634/

There’s no place that I cannot imagine a wreath being hung in my bedroom. I would totally tie one on right over my dresser mirror just like the inspiration below. Metallic decor on a mirrored surface will effortlessly bounce light around the bedroom and is sure generate enough sparkle into the new year. Merry belated Christmas.

Source: http://www.visual-spaces.com/christmas-decorations-with-style

Posted in Bedroom Design | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment